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Teens define sex in new ways
The generational divide between baby-boomer parents and their teenage offspring is sharpening over sex. Oral sex, that is. More than half of 15- to 19-year-olds are doing it, according to a groundbreaking study by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. The researchers did not ask about the circumstances in which oral sex occurred, but the report does provide the first federal data that offer a peek into the sex lives of American teenagers. To adults, "oral sex is extremely intimate, and to some of these young people, apparently it isn't as much," says Sarah Brown, director of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. "What we're learning here is that adolescents are redefining what is intimate." Among teens, oral sex is often viewed so casually that it needn't even occur within the confines of a relationship. Some teens say it can take place at parties, possibly with multiple partners. But they say the more likely scenario is oral sex within an existing relationship. Still, some experts are increasingly worrying that a generation that approaches intimate behavior so casually might have difficulty forming healthy intimate relationships later on. "My parents' generation sort of viewed oral sex as something almost greater than sex. Like once you've had sex, something more intimate is oral sex," says Carly Donnelly, 17, a high school senior from Cockeysville, Md. "Now that some kids are using oral sex as something that's more casual, it's shocking to (parents)." David Walsh, a psychologist and author of the teen-behavior book Why Do They Act That Way?, says the brain is wired to develop intense physical and emotional attraction during the teenage years as part of the maturing process. But he's disturbed by the casual way sex is often portrayed in the media, which he says gives teens a distorted view of true intimacy. Sex — even oral sex — "just becomes kind of a recreational activity that is separate from a close, personal relationship," he says. "When the physical part of the relationship races ahead of everything else, it can almost become the focus of the relationship," Walsh says, "and they're not then developing all of the really important skills like trust and communication and all those things that are the key ingredients for a healthy, long-lasting relationship." "Intimacy has been so devalued," says Doris Fuller of Sandpoint, Idaho, who, with her two teenage children, wrote the 2004 book Promise You Won't Freak Out, which discusses topics such as teen oral sex. "What will the impact be on their ultimately more lasting relationships? I don't think we know yet." Casual attitude is worrying Child psychology professor W. Andrew Collins of the University of Minnesota says a relationship "that's only about sex is not a high-quality relationship." In a 28-year study, Collins and his colleagues followed 180 individuals from birth. His yet-to-be-published research, presented at a conference in April, suggests that emotionally fulfilling high school relationships do help teens learn important relationship skills. The researchers did not specifically ask about oral sex, he says. But relationships that are focused more on sex tend to be "less sustained, often not monogamous and with lower levels of satisfaction." Terri Fisher, an associate professor of psychology at Ohio State University, says oral sex used to be considered "exotic." After the sexual revolution of the 1960s, it was viewed as a more intimate sexual act than sexual intercourse, but now, in young people's minds, it's "a more casual act." Beyond shock, many parents aren't sure what to think when they discover their children's nonchalant approach to oral sex. "It doesn't cross your mind because it's not something you have done," Fuller says. "Most parents weren't doing this (as teenagers) in the way these kids are." But if parents are looking for reasons to freak out, the health risk of oral sex apparently isn't one of them. Teenagers and experts agree that oral sex is less risky than intercourse because there's no threat of pregnancy and less chance of contracting a sexually transmitted disease or HIV. "The fact that teenagers have oral sex doesn't upset me much from a public health perspective," says J. Dennis Fortenberry, a physician who specializes in adolescent medicine at the Indiana University School of Medicine. "From my perspective, relatively few teenagers only have oral sex. And so for the most part, oral sex, as for adults, is typically incorporated into a pattern of sexual behaviors that may vary depending upon the type of relationship and the timing of a relationship." Data don't tell whole story A study published in the journal Pediatrics in April supports the view that adolescents believe oral sex is safer than intercourse, with less risk to their physical and emotional health. The study of ethnically diverse high school freshmen from California found that almost 20% had tried oral sex, compared with 13.5% who said they had intercourse. More of these teens believed oral sex was more acceptable for their age group than intercourse, even if the partners are not dating. "The problem with surveys is they don't tell you the intimacy sequence," Brown says. "The vast majority who had intercourse also had oral sex. We don't know which came first." The federal study, based on data collected in 2002 and released last month, found that 55% of 15- to 19-year-old boys and 54% of girls reported getting or giving oral sex, compared with 49% of boys and 53% of girls the same ages who reported having had intercourse. Though the study provides data, researchers say, it doesn't help them understand the role oral sex plays in the overall relationship; nor does it explain the fact that today's teens are changing the sequence of sexual behaviors so that oral sex has skipped ahead of intercourse. "All of us in the field are still trying to get a handle on how much of this is going on and trying to understand it from a young person's point of view," says Stephanie Sanders, associate director of The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction at Indiana University, which investigates sexual behavior and sexual health. "Clearly, we need more information about what young people think is appropriate behavior, under what circumstances and with whom," Sanders says. "Now we know a little more about what they're doing but not what they're thinking." The $16 million study, which took six years to develop, complete and analyze, surveyed almost 13,000 teens, men and women ages 15-44 on a variety of sexual behaviors. Researchers say that the large sample size, an increased societal openness about sexual issues and the fact that the survey was administered via headphones and computer instead of face to face all give them confidence that, for the first time, they have truthful data on these very personal behaviors. "There is strong evidence that people are more willing to tell computers things, such as divulge taboo behaviors, than (they are to tell) a person," Sanders says. More analysis needed Researchers cannot conclude that the percentage of teens having oral sex is greater than in the past. There is no comparison data for girls, and numbers for boys are about the same as they were a decade ago in the National Survey of Adolescent Males: Currently, 38.8% have given oral sex vs. 38.6% in 1995; 51.5% have received it vs. 49.4% in 1995. Further analyses of the federal data by the private, non-profit National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy and the non-partisan research group Child Trends find almost 25% of teens who say they are virgins have had oral sex. Child Trends also reviewed socioeconomic and other data and found that those who are white and from middle- and upper-income families with higher levels of education are more likely to have oral sex. Historically, oral sex has been more common among the more highly educated, Sanders says. The survey also found that almost 90% of teens who have had sexual intercourse also had oral sex. Among adults 25-44, 90% of men and 88% of women have had heterosexual oral sex. "If we are indeed headed as a culture to have a total disconnect between intimate sexual behavior and emotional connection, we're not forming the basis for healthy adult relationships," says James Wagoner, president of Advocates for Youth, a reproductive-health organization in Washington. Oral sex might affect teenagers' self-esteem most of all, says Paul Coleman, a Poughkeepsie, N.Y., psychologist and author of The Complete Idiot's Guide to Intimacy. "Somebody is going to feel hurt or abused or manipulated," he says. "Not all encounters will turn out favorably. ... Teenagers are not mature enough to know all the ramifications of what they're doing. "It's pretending to say it's just sexual and nothing else. That's an arbitrary slicing up of the intimacy pie. It's not healthy." A survey of more than 1,000 teens conducted with the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy resulted in The Real Truth About Teens & Sex, a book by Sabrina Weill, a former editor in chief at Seventeen magazine. She says casual teen attitudes toward sex — particularly oral sex — reflect their confusion about what is normal behavior. She believes teens are facing an intimacy crisis that could haunt them in future relationships. "When teenagers fool around before they're ready or have a very casual attitude toward sex, they proceed toward adulthood with a lack of understanding about intimacy," Weill says. "What it means to be intimate is not clearly spelled out for young people by their parents and people they trust." Although governmental and educational campaigns urge teens to delay sex, some suggest teens have replaced sexual intercourse with oral sex. "If you say to teenagers 'no sex before marriage,' they may interpret that in a variety of ways," says Fisher. Talk is crucial Experts say parents need to talk to their kids about sex sooner rather than later. Oral sex needs to be part of the discussion because these teens are growing up in a far more sexually open society. Anecdotal reports for years have focused on teens "hooking up" casually. Depending on the group, teens say it can mean kissing, making out or having sex. "Friends with benefits" is another way of referring to non-dating relationships, with a form of sex as a "benefit." But not all teens treat sex so casually, say teens from suburban Baltimore who were interviewed by USA TODAY as part of an informal focus group. Alex Trazkovich, 17, a high school senior from Reisterstown, Md., says parents don't hear enough about teen relationships where there is a lot of emotional involvement. "They hear about teens going to the parties and having lots and lots of sex," he says. "It happens, but it's not something that happens all the time. It's more of an extreme behavior." USA Today

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Watch national video here England stars face sex claims quiz
Police in New Zealand are to speak to four England rugby stars about sex attack allegations. Detectives are investigating a "serious allegation" made against the players by the alleged victim's boyfriend, it was claimed. Two players are reported to have had sex with an 18-year-old girl in a hotel room in Auckland where the team are on tour. Two other unnamed players watched the girl perform sex acts, it was claimed. Team bosses said players would co-operate with police but said no official complaint had been made. The alleged incident occurred in a room at the Hilton Hotel in the early hours of Sunday following England's 37-20 defeat to the All Blacks. Players engaged in a "rowdy" drinking session in a bar called The Pony Club before returning to the hotel with up to six women, according to reports. A source told The Sun the woman had sex willingly with one player and did not object when a second joined in. An Auckland police spokeswoman said: "We have made it known to the England management via their representatives that we would like to speak with the team members. There are no arrangements to do so." Director of rugby Rob Andrew said England were fully co-operating with police in the matter and that the four players had the "complete support" of the team and management. He said: "The England rugby team has been informed by Auckland police that an allegation has been made against four members of the England playing squad. Whilst no formal complaint has been made, we are co-operating with the police and their inquiries. "The players concerned have the complete support of all the players and the management. In the circumstances, we are unable to make any further comment." Croydonguardian

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Abstinence message goes beyond teens
The federal government's "no sex without marriage" message isn't just for kids anymore. Now the government is targeting unmarried adults up to age 29 as part of its abstinence-only programs, which include millions of dollars in federal money that will be available to the states under revised federal grant guidelines for 2007. The government says the change is a clarification. But critics say it's a clear signal of a more directed policy targeting the sexual behavior of adults. "They've stepped over the line of common sense," said James Wagoner, president of Advocates for Youth, a Washington, D.C.-based non-profit that supports sex education. "To be preaching abstinence when 90% of people are having sex is in essence to lose touch with reality. It's an ideological campaign. It has nothing to do with public health." Abstinence education programs, which have focused on preteens and teens, teach that abstaining from sex is the only effective or acceptable method to prevent pregnancy or disease. They give no instruction on birth control or safe sex. The National Center for Health Statistics says well over 90% of adults ages 20-29 have had sexual intercourse. But Wade Horn, assistant secretary for children and families at the Department of Health and Human Services, said the revision is aimed at 19- to 29-year-olds because more unmarried women in that age group are having children. Government data released last month show that 998,262 births in 2004 were to unmarried women 19-29, the ages with the most births to unmarried women. "The message is 'It's better to wait until you're married to bear or father children,' " Horn said. "The only 100% effective way of getting there is abstinence." The revised guidelines specify that states seeking grants are "to identify groups ... most likely to bear children out-of-wedlock, targeting adolescents and/or adults within the 12- through 29-year-old age range." Previous guidelines didn't mention targeting of an age group. "We wanted to remind states they could use these funds not only to target adolescents," Horn said. "It's a reminder." Last year, 46 states applied for the federal abstinence-education money, to fund programs in schools, neighborhood clubs and faith-based organizations. Sarah Brown, director of the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, says abstinence programs are among many messages that have helped reduce teen pregnancy rates. But "the notion that the federal government is supporting millions of dollars worth of messages to people who are grown adults about how to conduct their sex life is a very divisive policy," she says. "We would oppose any program that stigmatizes unmarried people," adds Nicky Grist, executive director of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, a non-profit organization based in Brooklyn, N.Y., that advocates for the rights of unmarried people. For last year's state grants, Congress appropriated $50 million. A similar amount is expected for 2007, but the money has not yet been allocated, according to the Administration for Children and Families. "I think the program should talk about the problem with out-of- wedlock childbearing — not about your sex life," Brown says. "If you use contraception effectively and consistently, you will not be in the pool of out-of-wedlock births."

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Funny Jokes About Sex and Politics
"President Bush was asked by someone in the audience if he'd seen 'Brokeback Mountain.' The president said he hadn't seen it, but he'd be happy to talk about ranching. Then he added, 'Ranching still means gay sex, right?'" --Conan O'Brien
"Remember when Republicans, like Newt Gingrich and Bob Livingston, when they got in trouble it was for sex scandals? See Tom DeLay is in trouble for money. Or as Republicans would call it -- this is a return to traditional values." --Jay Leno
"California education officials said today that the state of California needs 52,000 more teachers. They say we are facing a huge teacher shortage. In fact, by the year 2007, they said many students will be forced to have sex with each other." --Jay Leno
"Did you hear the video game industry has changed the ratings of the game Grand Theft Auto to an adult-only rating after pressure from media watch dog groups and politicians because the game had hidden sexual content? Politicians felt the sex would have a negative effect on the children. See that shows you how up tight we are in this country about sex. Apparently a game when you're stealing cars and killing cops is okay -- it's the sex we're worried about." --Jay Leno
"Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton has called for an investigation of the video game Grand Theft Auto after finding hidden sex in the game. I don’t know, is Hillary the best one to go looking for hidden sex? If Hillary was any good at finding it, her husband wouldn't have been impeached." --Jay Leno
"There is a new book out about Hillary Clinton that claims Bill is still having affairs but Hillary continues to look the other way. The only problem is when Hillary does look the other way Bill's having sex with a women over there too." --Jay Leno
"The John Bolton nomination has cleared the committee. Larry Flynt has entered the fray. He said he has evidence Bolton bought tickets to a swingers club and forced his wife to have group sex. Today Ted Kennedy said he's heard enough -- he's voting yes." --Bill Maher Sen. Hillary Clinton called for President Bush to begin pulling troops out of Iraq next year. And let me tell you something, when it comes to telling a president when to pull out, no one has more experience than Hillary Clinton." --Jay Leno
"This is inarguably a failure of leadership from the top of the federal government. Remember when Bill Clinton went out with Monica Lewinsky. That was inarguably a failure of judgment at the top. Democrats had to come out and risk losing credibility if they did not condemn Bill Clinton for his behavior. I believe Republicans are in the same position right now. And I will say this: Hurricane Katrina is George Bush's Monica Lewinsky. The only difference is that tens of thousands of people weren't stranded in Monica Lewinsky's vagina." --Jon Stewart
"Hillary Clinton is repositioning herself constantly. She is now campaigning against sex and violence in TV shows and video games. She said studies show that children who ... are exposed to sexual images are more likely to blow her husband" --Bill Maher
"Jeff Gannon ... He is a White House correspondent who has been lobbing softball questions at the president and his press secretary, turns out he is actually a paid escort for wealthy homosexuals. ... He actually had two jobs -- one obviously was sleazy and shameful and the other was a gay male prostitute. ... I think I know what Bush meant now when he said he has a mandate." --Bill Maher
"The government has announced that Medicare will now cover sexual performance drugs like Viagra. This is part of President Bush's no erection left behind." --Jay Leno
"Taking a page from their tsunami playbook, the White House announced today that former presidents Bush and Bill Clinton will head up the fundraising efforts for the hurricane relief. And you know, Bill Clinton is no stranger to this kind of thing. He was once visiting the French Quarter during a hurricane and got blown behind a dumpster." --Bill Maher
"Republicans say they plan to press for a constitution amendment to ban gay marriage. Because the founding fathers intended gay sex to be very casual. They didn't want it to be married." --Craig Ferguson
"Dr. James Dobson, the founder of the conservative Christian organization, Focus on the Family, claimed in a speech Tuesday that the cartoon character SpongeBob Squarepants is gay, and is being used in a pro-homosexual video designed to brainwash kids. And yet he gives that carpet-muncher Dora the Explorer a free ride." --Tina Fey
"Today in Washington, Governor-elect Arnold Schwarzenegger had lunch with Senator Ted Kennedy. I understand Gloria Allred is now representing the waitress." —Jay Leno
"It's Bring Your Daughter to Work Day. This tradition began about 25 years ago down in Washington, D.C. by a quick-thinking Ted Kennedy who was spotted leaving his office with an 18-year-old." —David Letterman
Late-Night Jokes About Sex and Politics
"Bill Clinton's book went on sale today at long last. Earlier today hundreds of people waited outside of Barnes and Noble in the pouring rain for a chance to meet Bill Clinton. When asked if she minded the rain, one woman said, 'I'm meeting Bill Clinton. I just assumed my dress would get ruined.'" —Conan O'Brien
"Hillary's got this huge book, it's a memoir of her life and times at the White House. In the book she says when Bill told her he was having an affair, she said 'I could hardly breath, I was gulping for air.' No, I'm sorry, that's what Monica said." —David Letterman
"Hillary Clinton says that when President Clinton confessed to her about his affair, she wanted to, quote, 'Wring his neck.' Hillary decided against it when she realized choking Bill would only enhance his orgasm." —Conan O'Brien
"Our old friend Monica Lewinksy is back in the news. She has been accepted to graduate school in London. She says she wants to be a psychologist. Yeah, now she says she wants to blow people's minds." --Bill Maher
"Bill Clinton's new memoir has already had orders for 1.5 million copies. In fact, it's already in its third printing. The first two were stained." —David Letterman
"Did you see Rehnquist when he arrived? He was hunched over, wearing a black beret and a big oversized robe. In fact, Bill Clinton saw him from the back and said, 'Monica?'" --Jay Leno, on seeing Chief Justice William Rehnquist at President Bush's inauguration
"Bill Clinton went back into the hospital today so surgeons can clean up from his last operation -- remove fluid build up. Now isn't that what got him impeached last time?" --Jay Leno
"Not everyone is happy about the library. Some architectural critics say that the library look like a double-wide trailer. ... In fact there is even a sign outside that says: 'If the library is rocking don't come a knocking.'" --Conan O'Brien, on the Clinton Presidential Library
"Former President Clinton is doing well and getting better everyday. In fact, yesterday they took him off his respirator and today they took him off his nurse." —Conan O'Brien
"A new article in Vanity Fair says Bill Clinton is having trouble finishing his new book, entitled 'My Life,' in time to meet his deadline. It's not too surprising, since you can only type so fast using one hand." —Jimmy Fallon
"Monica Lewinsky told this month's Cosmo magazine that if it weren't for Bill Clinton, she would be a mom now, with two kids. Really? Not the way she was doing it." —Jay Leno
"Bush announced he's pulled out of the 1978 Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty. ... I think this is the biggest thing a president has pulled out of since Monica" —David
Letterman "President Bush has authorized the drop of 15,000-pound bombs on Afghanistan. I believe that is the heaviest ordered drop by a president since ... well, Monica." —David Letterman
"It turns out now that Bill Clinton ... he had tape recorders working in the Oval Office. This could get pretty good. They apparently were voice activated, just like his fly. These tapes are available to everybody. There's 80 in the Clinton audiotape collection. And if you buy all 80, he'll throw his sex video, 'Too Hot for the Starr Report.' ... The tape recorder was equipped with forward, reverse and pause, just like his interns. ... The people that have listened to them say you can't really hear anything because of the sound of Monica's head thumping on the desk." —David Letterman About.com

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Want Yet Another Reason to Have Sex?
Researchers have established a link between regular sexual activity and longevity, confirming what we already suspected: Sex is good for the heart.
A study shows that men who have three or more orgasms a week are 50 percent less likely to die from coronary heart disease. These findings suggest that sex can be used to help prevent heart attacks and strokes as one means of fulfilling physicians' recommendation for sustained physical activity for at least 20 minutes, three times a week. Conducted by a team of researchers from the University of Bristol and Queen's University of Belfast, the researchers studied 2,500 men aged 45 to 59 for 10 years. "The relationship found between frequency of sexual intercourse and mortality is of considerable public interest," says study co-author Shah Ebrahim, Ph.D., a University of Bristol professor of epidemiology and aging, who presented the study results at the fourth World Stroke Congress. "It may however be a confounding [relationship] due to other aspects of a healthy lifestyle." Ebrahim cautions that further research is necessary. Psychology Today

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Song: A Much Traveled Road
Oh the folly I showed, when I unraveled the code,
on that much traveled road called love.
Where the marvels bestowed, be the gift or the goad,
on that hard graveled road called love.
A passionate endeavor, in fierce manic fervor,
releases the pressure with a dampening valve.
The moments we treasure, we live in full measure,
at one with the pleasure, of life's little salve.
Sex! Sex! There is no subtext.
The strands of our being are determined and fixed.
Sex! Sex! It's how nature selects:
expanding the gene pools and flooding the mix.
Oh the folly I showed, when I unraveled the code,
on that much traveled road called love.
For the journey was broken, by bouts of unspoken
instinct, resentments and bluff.
Oh the folly I showed, to unshoulder the load,
to snap and expose, the fragile bonds of our love.
To risk all for a stranger, to flirt wildly with danger;
to tilt at mad passion and the derangement's of love.
Sex! Sex! It's as one expects.
Storms of emotion, dead calm to the next.
Sex! Sex! We're doomed as ship-wrecks:
drifting warm ocean to the whirlpool's vortex.
A fool and his folly, will fire off in a volley,
his dull gun and cannon, just to get out alive.
In his raw funk and hurry, he explodes in a flurry,
of confusion and worry, he barely survives.
I say with some candor, not with self-propaganda,
a lover less able might take flight with the dove;
from intrigue and suspicion, the meek acts of contrition,
and the baffling condition, that we call love.
Sex! Sex! A carnal reflex.
The helix that wraps us, is doubled and coiled.
Sex! Sex! The usual suspects.
A defect that traps us, but troubles the world.
Sex! Sex! The elixir injects,
a hot rush of sunshine into drab brittle lives.
Sex! Sex! I feel it's effects.
The hushed sacred union of love and base drives.
Poems

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